We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works