i came on her dog
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.