so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS