"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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