WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.