Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
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it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend