JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
