Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
