You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
