ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
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she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
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i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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