I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
