I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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