just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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