Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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