Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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