I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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