don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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