if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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