does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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