Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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