White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
