it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
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I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
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she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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