Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
