I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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