I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
