There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My ass is underappreciated
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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