so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
