We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
