Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
