Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
