If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
