i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
pray to the hookup gods
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
