so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
