dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
