when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can I color on your dick again?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
