Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
