I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
sex in a hospital.. check
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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