Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
is wine microwaveable?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
