Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
