Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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