Having a random hookup so left but love u
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
