I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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