well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
