If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
