My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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