hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize