I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
