Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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