when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
