I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
