WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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