I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
