My first STD was from a foam party
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
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