In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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