Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I fill condoms, not promises.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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