I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
