OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
