I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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