I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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