Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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