i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
