office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
