If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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