If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
