speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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